I got married this year and it was great. We had fun, we were high on laughter and we created some beautiful memories. Last year, the ‘planning year’, is like a blur of seating charts, menus and dress fittings. I get it now. I get why brides have built this reputation of being “stressed” and crazy about the smallest things like what colour napkins to have. Seriously, you are planning an event on your own. Yes, ON YOUR OWN. Your future husband may help in deciding what sort of flowers you are having but please be honest with yourself. HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY CARE. And if he does, bravo to you. My husband’s contribution was “I hate flowers they make me sneeze”. Anyway, I digress. People tell you things about weddings and wedding planning and you think “Oh, shut the hell up. I got this, I’m not an idiot!”. Well, well, well – I’m here to shed some light on a few things you hear about and think “that will never happen to me” but really it will because people are shit.
1.PEOPLE WILL NOT SHOW UP ON THE DAY
So, this happens. More often thank you might think as well. You probably hear about it happening on those rare occasions and think “Nah, that won’t happen to me”. I’m not talking about people cancelling a few weeks or even a week before. I’m talking about people literally just not showing up. Like, they’re at home and it’s a few hours before the wedding and they’re watching Netflix thinking “Oh, I’m too tired to go to this wedding now”. Ok, maybe that doesn’t actually happen but MAYBE THAT WAS THE REASON?! The point is you will never know because they did not show up or send an apology text or call or ANYTHING to explain their absence. Oh, whoops, there goes a few hundred dollars I spend on yours and your partner’s food and alcohol.
2. PEOPLE WILL COMPLAIN ABOUT WHERE THEY SIT AND JUST MOVE IF THEY FEEL LIKE IT
Yes, this happens. People will complain, they may even try to approach you to complain or ask to be reseated. They may even take it upon themselves to change tables. I’ve heard stories and experienced this to some degree first hand. It happens so make sure you have a buffer in place to stop people from coming to you with their first class problems. Like mate, I just got married I don’t care if you sit on the floor you’re lucky you’re here.
3. PEOPLE WON’T GIVE YOU A GIFT OR A CARD
Ok, so this is something that really REALLY irks me. I know you send out a cute poem saying “we don’t need gifts, we have a wishing well, your presence is present enough bla bla” but SERIOUSLY… you can’t just NOT give people a gift. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? THE POPE? THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND? LIKE IS YOUR PRESENCE REALLY ENOUGH? LIKE IF YOU WERE THE POPE I’D UNDERSTAND BUT YOU ARE NOT THE POPE SO WHY COULDN’T YOU EVEN BUY A CARD TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS. Yes, I’m serious, some people did not even give us a card. A card is 5 dollars, I’m sure you spent more on your dress and shoes. The point is, this happens. It really does happen and I do not empathise with the whole “oh but some people may not have money be grateful they came”. NO – be grateful you were invited so write a f*&king card you barbarian.
4. PEOPLE WILL SIT THERE WITH SOUR FACES AND LEAVE EARLY AND NOT EVEN DANCE
You may be high on life and enjoying every minute of your special day but there will be people who just don’t know how to party. Either get them shit-faced or ignore them and get shit-faced and you won’t notice they are there. It’s not your fault, some people are just wet towels and they can’t help it. The poor things.
5. IT WILL RAIN AND YOUR WHOLE OUTDOOR CEREMONY WILL BE RUINED INCLUDING THE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS YOU SPENT ON FLOWERS
OK, maybe that was only me. All I’ll say is be prepared for ANYTHING to happen and do not let things you can’t control ruin your day. I admit, I cried and my mother in law bought me some vodka to calm my nerves (bless her). Just go with the flow and know that you will be seeing your man or lady at the end of that aisle one way or another!
Just remember it’s YOUR day so just have fun and ignore the haters. Clearly, I’m full of wisdom and advice so if you need to know anything else just ask me in the comments, don’t be shy!